Love the second time around  

Posted by: reflective moments

Love is lovelier
The second time around
Just as wonderful
With both feet on the ground

It's that second time you hear
Your love song sung
Makes you think perhaps that love
Like youth, is wasted on the young

Love's more comfortable
The second time you fall
Like a friendly home
The second time you call

Who can say
What brought us to this miracle we've found
There are those who'd bet
Love comes but once and yet

I'm oh so glad we met
The second time around

Relationships, I find them so utterly confusing,  Are we truly meant to mate for life?

having a mate for life means, marriage for 50 - 60 years, partner passes, and surviving mate lives with fond memories until death. Never to partner with another.

Even this is open to interpretation, intent needs to be considered. Does not the widow/widower plan for a lifelong partnership even if the spouse passes prematurely? Does a new partnership negate the intent of the first?

Personally I don't think we are meant to mate for life, not that I am such a liberated female ..I am not.   However, if one person in a relationship grows and the other doesn't they can find their needs and wants in a relationship changing too.   Till, eventually one or both find they no longer have anything in common.   My first marriage was like that.  I kept exploring different jobs, different sports, different ways of doing things whereas my husband hated change.  We would go house hunting and find what I thought was a dream home (far away from his mother) while looking at the house he would be full of excitement but, by the time we got home he would be finding fault with what I found.  Finally, I gave up.... obviously, he was comfortable where he was.  He was an only child and we built a house just around the corner from his parents.   It, took me only a little while to realise his mother was never going to let go of him. I was young and too blinded by love to see this before I married him and perhaps like all innocents I thought I could change him.

Then, his father who was the glue that held us all together died and her dependency on her son increased.  I tried hard to save that marriage I honestly believe I did; but he was spending increasingly more, and more time at his mother's.  Which led to us each doing our own thing.  On reflection, if I hadn't been so naive when I married him....I would have given a comment by one of her neighbors more thought....."poor Amy, she has been so lost without G"  that on the day we arrived back from our honeymoon.

Now, over 25yrs later he never remarried, is still in that same house and has not changed a thing. I find that so sad.  I believe as my children grew so did I and I was so open to new experiences. Still am.  Eventually and inevitably without realising I was looking I met someone else.    K and I have had 25 years together, we are still the best of friends and there is never a dull moment.

 So, what am I getting at with these reflections?    Perhaps that some are fortunate to find their soul mate the first time; others, like me, found love the second time around.

This entry was posted on 11:33 . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


thank you Janine for your email, not sure why it didn't post but here it is......

ok, I left a comment on your blog. Tell me if you can see it. In case it did not post here it is :
It's never good to marry a mama's boy. Unfortunately you had to go through this experience. I am glad you found love a second time. I don't believe that in case of the death of a spouse the other one should stay single. If she/her finds love a second time I am happy for them. On a personal level, if this happens to me, I won't remarry but not because I want to stay faithful to my "death" husband. It's because I want to enjoy my last years taking care of myself instead of somebody else.

it is still early here, early doors as we so quaintly say here in the UK, so although I have read this, I need to read it again to comment properly. However, here is one of my thoughts.

Luckily, I didn't marry an only son, he is one of three children, two sisters and him. And we live at least 500 miles from his mother.........

He also left home at 18 and never lived at home with his mother again. So a saving grace there methinks!

I will comment on this later once my brain is in gear, but I love your thought provoking posts!

J xx

Awww thank you CV, My ex lived at home till our wedding day.

I think on re reading this is a lovely post, such a shame your first husband didn't move away from the mother influence, it seems this has made his life so dull and samey too.

The present Mr Green Jeannie has proved most satisfactory and I think I will keep him. I have a fridge magnet which says "Hold on to Your Husband you never know when he will come back into fashion".

;0D I am so glad you found K, second time around and are happy together, sometimes these things are just meant to be. Plus you learned from your first marriage, how things are NOT meant to be.....and it made you a stronger person.

Things are never dull here either, but mostly due to me......being a Little Girl With A Curl........when I am good, I am very, very good, but when I am bad I am horrid.

How odd for your ex to live at home till his wedding day!! Amazing, well it did him no good, cos he lost you!!

J x

I so agree with what Janine said. My MIL is available to the first taker (not that there will be one). I decided very early on that I was NOT going to come second to her. This was a problem as she is/was just as strong-willed as me. if she had half a brain she wouldn't have tried to compete. Sorry I fell into CV mode there. That was a good post. I think I may write up my MIL tales for you all to laugh at :)

That saying, 'love is blind' is certainly true, and in our naivety we often make the wrong choice, thinking they will change after marriage. Which I found to be impossible in my first marriage. The second time around is much better. This is a thought provoking post. Well said!

I am laffing but kinda worried about the CV mode..........I must try not to be CV modish.

off to my bed now.......some of us have to sleep before midnight........

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