The great Pavlova debate....  

Posted by: reflective moments

Bullying is not just confined to the young.  I too have been bullied.  I am sad to admit to  it  and have often asked myself how did I let it happen. So naive of me to let it happen.  It all came to a head when on a forum this person and I were both on, I made a fatal mistake and posted my recipe note, I said my recipe for a Pavlova.  Now, prior to this event I had let her corrections of anything about Australia that I posted wash over me. She was the know it all type and it just wasn't worth arguing with her over petty stuff ... that was until the Pavlova debate!! She was an expat living in America.  Whenever she put me down on the forum  I would make excuses for her saying she is homesick.. Anyway, I digress.  She posted that MY recipe was wrong and posted how she makes her's.   Normally I would have let it go and not say anything but, sadly, something inside me stirred and so I retorted about how I have made this dessert this way for more years than I cared to mention, so, with that she points out that I had left an ingredient out!!   It eventually turned into the "great Pavlova" debate and on a dog forum none the less.....   Climaxing with her claiming that people for miles around would turn up on her doorstep whenever she made a Pavlova.  I couldn't let that go now could I? Not when I had finally stood my ground with her so I just had to say well, some like hard pavlovas and some like fluffy marshmallowy ones like mine....  Nasty, I know, but I had put up and shut up for so long and let her get away with bullying me.... As I said, something snapped inside me that day.  Am I sorry, no, cannot say I am, though, I am sorry for my part in the ummmm discussion, and for  lowering my standards and being nasty but, not sorry for losing her as a friend.  When I settled down and saw just how ridiculous the argument was I felt relief, yes relief, that she was finally out of my life....  My husband kept telling me to be careful, that she was a kook.... this, because, I would sometimes tell him about some rude or crude comment she had made to me or tell him about some crude emailed jokes she would send.  This experience shook me up for a few years. Yes years, probably because we still had some mutual friends.  Now, we no longer have mutual friends (at least I hope not; but then, I do not gossip to find out) life is now good and I can finally feel comfortable being me again. 

Moral of this tale..... do not try to be liked by everyone it just isn't worth the compromise.  I know that if this person was a neighbor she would not have been my friend.  Our standards and values were so different .... we paired up because we were fellow Aussies and, that, was all we had in common.

Nowadays, whenever anyone even mentions the word Pavlova I burst into laughter instead of tears and ,when asked, I tell the tale of the "great Pavlova debate."

A  Pavlova for those who don't know this Aussie icon.  

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Pavlova. Never understood the fuss over it tbh. But I don't like meringue so I wouldn't.

Easy to think when younger that you know the one true answer to everything - or the one true recipe - and as you get older, you realise there is no one answer.


oh thank you for writing this post! It has a great deal of resonance with me.

Also, I realise I try to be "nice" and liked by everyone, even at my great age, and this is just not possible. I never seem to learn though.

This post has given me great comfort.

Oh and impressed with your Pavlova making! I like mine soft, surely that is where the pleasure is! But each to his own, or her own.

J xx ps have signed in with my family blog google name, I must invite you to read it, although not posted on it for months, but may be fired up enough now to do so!

Jeannie aka Cassandra xx

I love Pavlova, both soft and crunchy. Such childishness to be bullied over a recipe.

I'm wondering if the bully was on the same forum where I was bullied, and subsequently banned for life. :-) In any event, isn't it nice to dismiss these bullies from our lives?

Great post!

Too bad I cannot reach that piece, would love to try it. Looks good. And if it is meringue, I love meringue.


I too used to love pavlova any way it was served... crisp or fluffy I was not fussy... Haven't had one for years as it is all sugar and sugar is my enemy now.
Life is too short for such pettiness and while I have put it behind me obviously I have not forgotten it.

Suzan yes it happened on the same forum.

thanks everyone Xo

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